Hallelujah

Back in March, Brian and I had the incrediable opportunity to go on a "Vision Trip" to Central Asia. During our time there we got to know some very remarkable brothers and sisters and see first hand what our lives would be like should we chose to join them there. We had constant confrimation that we were indead being lead to give up everything we had "back home" in Texas and move to Central Asia. While we were 100% positive that this was our calling it was, and still is, a huge transition and tough to wrap my mind around.
On our very long journey back to the great U.S. of A. Brian and I had much time to process all we had seen and learned. At one point, as my exhausted husband (heavily sedated with allergy pills) snoozed in the seat next to me, I put in my headphones, turned on my ipod and closed my eyes in an attempt to get some rest. However, I had so much I was still pondering in my heart, things I had not voiced to anyone mainly because I knew there was only One that needed to hear them. So, rather than push the thoughts aside to get some sleep, I called on Him and poured out my heart... my fears...my excitement...I gave Him all my anxiety and accepted His assurance...I asked for wisdom, mercy, endurance and faith...I thanked Him for His unwavering faithfullness in my life... and as I poured it all out before Him I felt so much peace.
Deep in conversation with my King and Comfortor, I heard a line in this song that caused me to stop mid-thought and just listen, and then listen again (lyrics below.) While I had heard this song countless times it was in that moment that the lyrics spoke exactly to how I was feeling. It expressed simply so many things I was thinking and feeling both during those months of decision making leading up to our trip and the time spent on foriegn soil. It described exactly how I wanted to respond to what we were going through but felt to insecure/insufficiant/unworthy on my own to do so. It really summed up all I had just poured out to Abba.
As I listened to the song for a third time I was overwhelmed by my humanity, recalling failures, the times I'd wandered away from Him refusing to do that which I KNEW He was calling me to do. I felt my weak flesh and insufficiancy and was very aware of my inability to fulfill the great task I had been called to. And. It. Was. So. GOOD! Because humility is neccessary. I was so very humbled by the thought that I was being given the opportunity to answer a calling I could never fulfill on my own but can only fulfill in Him. Through that humility all those other feelings were engulfed by His grace, mercy, strength and the awesome truth that HE IS my Sufficiancy and that through Him I can accomplish the most impossible of tasks! There is so much freedom in knowing that just as He has always been there leading me one step at a time down the path He has set for my life so He always will be! There is so much freedom in knowing that what is impossible for us to do in our own strength is possible when we are following Him! There is SO MUCH FREEDOM in being able to surrender 100% to His will. So much freedom in joyfully letting go of what the world trasures and storing up for ourselves those things most valued in His Kingdom.
The path ahead might look bleak at times, the tasks may seem impossible but wherever He leads I will follow. No matter what He takes me through my trust is in Him, my life is in Him and by His strength all my days I will sing Hallelujah.


**This short, simple song by Bethany Dillon spoke profoundly to me and has become my "theme song" for this season of my life. A reminder that I am not my own, that there is nothing too difficult for my King, that He sees all, knows all and in Him I can do whatever He has called me to. It also reminds me to rest in Him...and in all things to give Him a thousand praises!

"Hallelujah"

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when your hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah
The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah