It was this time, just a short five months ago, that Brian and I were welcoming our daughter into the world.
Here is that day in a nutshell...bahahaha who believed that one? (to read the first chapter click
here)
We arrived at Trinity Mother Francis Hospital, in Tyler, Texas (was once convinced all my children would be born in Virginia. Life changes plans) at 3:50am Thursday, September 13, 2012.
By 5am I was in my own room and filling out paperwork between contractions. Brian took a photo of me and I looked great (it'd be in here but he took it on his Iphone, which he sold and it got wiped before I thought about it, the phone also had her coming home photos on it, grrr) and in those first few hours I felt like labor wasn't going to be that bad after all. I had contractions 3 minutes apart and they lasted anywhere from 60-90 seconds. They were painful for sure, but the way the nurses were talking it sounded like my baby would be born by 2pm and I knew I could tough it out until then. The time would speed by I was sure.
The Dr. on call had seen me and advised that since I was only dilated to a 4 they would not call the midwife as one would be coming on at 7am. Fine by me. Except they had me hooked to a monitor and put an IV in, which I didn't like but dealt with it. At about 6am I had finally gotten permission to get in the tub (although they would still put the monitor on me every 30min) and stayed there for well over an hour. My mom, who had come to the hospital with us, and Brian's mom and brother who came up just after, went back home about this time. I think my in-laws went back to sleep, not sure my mom was able to :) I was getting texts from my sister Emma, who had left for college just a few days before, and from my dad and brother Jake, and my BFF/cousin, Erin. Wish she could have been there that day!
Shifts changed and I met Angela, who did a great job taking care of me, and Brian, through her whole shift. My Friend, Emily, who works there in the ICU, came up and hung out for a few minutes, which helped pass some time. Brian tried to nap, he also had only three hours of sleep that night, but with the shift change he didn't get much rest.
We met our midwife, Paige, for the first time at about 7:40am. Of the 5 midwives at TMF she was the only one I had not had a visit with, but she ended up doing a great job. Her many years of experience and the fact that she'd helped birth 30,000 babies put Brian more at ease. I immediately loved her as the first thing she did was take the monitor off and put in an order for the IV to come out too (I had been moving around a lot and I guess was twisting my wrists during contractions and it had been bleeding, so it was nice to not have that to worry about anymore) She told me to drink plenty of water and to ask for anything I needed, popsicles, 7up, ginger ale, water, ice...any of THOSE things that I needed ;)
From about 8am-10am I rocked on a birthing ball through contractions and passed time on FB and Pinterest....yes, I did. I had the lights in the room very dim, the smell of peppermint oil infused the room, and relaxing music was playing. Through contractions, Brian would rub my back, it got kind of exhausting for both of us as they got about 2 minutes apart fairly quickly, and lasted about 90seconds. Brian was so great though at keeping me entertained and asking Angela for anything I needed.
I got back in the tub around 10am to give us both a break (if you are considering natural birth, GET IN THE TUB, it's wondrous during those first several hours) I was only in for about 30min when Angela came in to check Brileigh's heartbeat. She happened to be from Lindale and her and Brian found a lot to talk about. She was very encouraging and helped make my first experience as relaxing and enjoyable as is possible! It helps to have people around you who can sense your mood and needs and she did well with that. She also let the other nurses know she had a patient who was laboring all natural, which I guess isn't common for the hospital. They seemed to be amazed that I was able to stay calm through contractions and was doing so well. Boy am I glad I didn't know what was ahead! So, when I was getting out of the tub the contractions picked up and I started to wonder if I really could make it without any medicinal help...pain relief sounded pretty great, so I asked if they could check me and see what might help me at the stage I was in.
At 10:30am, Paige came in and checked and said I was over 8cm, almost 9! At that point my mom and sisters were on their way up and Brian let his family know as well. Everyone thought it'd be soon. My friend, Morgan, who is a brilliant photographer, offered to come up so she could be there to take photos when Brileigh was born. My mom and sisters came back to the room for a little while so Brian could go get something to eat. Our friend, a father of 5 -including twins- kept texting Brian asking if Brileigh had been born yet, and it seemed everyone was wondering the same thing and waiting for her to come at any time. Up until about 1pm the time seemed to fly by.
Around 2pm, I got back in the tub. At this time, I was so tired and really starting to wonder why it seemed I wasn't progressing anymore. My contractions were not as long or hard as they had been and as I was in the tub, they seemed to get further apart. I got out of the tub and decided that if they were going to lessen I probably should get into bed and try to rest. Morgan, who had been there for a few hours, had to leave and pick up her kids. Before she did, she came back to say hello and also left her camera with my sister Olivia so we could still have those precious first moments captured. It was such a priceless gift! Just one of the reasons Brileigh was named after Morgan. I was in the bed, laying down from about 3-4pm, EXHAUSTED. During contractions I grabbed on to the bed handle and was barely able to breath through each one. As soon as the pain subsided I'd loosen my grip and
completely relax passed out for about 2 minutes until the next one. Brian would rub my back and then when they stopped I'd
rest pass out again. I was so tired I just wanted the contractions to stop for 30minutes so I could sleep! I don't know if I ever said it out loud, but I wished I could just pause the progress and pain, sleep through the night, and then start again refreshed the next morning. Of course, that wasn't an option. I think it was around 4pm when my sister-in-law, Alicia, came back to say hi. She grabbed the tennis balls I had brought and started rubbing my back. Even though the intensity of the contractions had picked back up, what she did really helped to relax, rest and reserve the strength I needed for the following three hours.
From about 11a-4p I progressed 1cm, barely! It was about 5pm when Paige came in (she had been in and out several times, offering me different methods to work through contractions, checking my progress and offering her expertise and encouragement) to check my progress again. I was 9 and 3/4cm dilated, AAAAND baby was face up. Oh joy! Paige had me lay on my side in a "runners" position in an attempt to turn the baby. The contractions in this position were the most painful yet. They were nothing compared to what was coming...
My sister-in-law Jessica, who was the only family within 100 miles NOT in the waiting room all afternoon (Brian's dad was out of town, but made it just a few hours after baby was born. My dad and brothers were in MA/PA and Emma was in Fl) came in to say hi at about 5:30p.m. and my water broke! They all joked Brileigh was just waiting for her Aunt Jessica to get there. Ok, so I had been praying for days that my water would break and I'd go into labor (if you read part 1, remember the stress I was feeling about Brian leaving and baby not being born, being induced etc.?) At the point my water did break 1. I got a little chuckle when Jess said "Okay, well I guess I'll be going now...good luck" and could imagine the excitement of everyone who had been waiting all day. 2. I felt relief 3. I was thankful it didn't happen sooner because the first contraction post water break hit and THAT was the most pain I'd felt up to that point. Then the next one was more painful, and so on...They told me again how I'd know it was time to start pushing and that they were sure it'd be soon but not to rush it. Because they said sitting on the toilet might help with the pressure, I got out of the bed (where I'd probably only been three or less hours the whole time, most of the day I was on my feet, on the ball or bent over the bed. I moved around a lot!) and sat on the toilet. From about this point everything got a little blurry, felt a bit like my wedding day - as far as detailed memories go- only there is no video to remind me of what happened. But this is how I remember it, you might get a different story if you ask any of the others who were present during those two hours.
After starting contractions at 7pm Wednesday night, and getting checked into the hospital at 4am, finally began to feel the urge to push close to 6p.m. The pain was so intense and did not let up. I tried to tell Brian to call the nurse, but it was too hard to talk so I just started breathing hard and probably crying a little and pulled on the nurse call by the toilet, and pulled and pulled until they came. Oh, those ladies. So much respect for them doing this every day.
They helped me back to the bed where I stood bent over grasping at my pillow. If it'd been alive, it'd've been dead! For about an hour, the pain quickly intensified and we tried three or four different positions to help me get through the contractions. At one point, I remember this really well because I was a little embarrassed after, I was on my knees in the bed with my arms over the birthing ball and Paige was rocking my hips back and forth. It was helpful the first three times or so, but then it was super annoying, fast, and so I just slapped the ball right off the bed and got on all fours. I was having a hard time communicating with words, and I felt so clueless as to what position would help relieve pain, was pretty sure I was going to go through a lot more pain before I felt any relief and I was SO tired I wasn't sure I could handle much more. Oh.My.WORD! But the nurses and midwife were so encouraging. I kept screaming "I can't do it." and they kept saying I could. Brian, who had been my life saver all day, was standing by the head of the bed, occasionally putting his hand on my shoulder. Honestly, I can't remember if he did much else, but he managed to keep a somewhat calm face which helped me calm down when I looked at him. At one point though, they were changing my gown and the sheets due to them being covered in blood (I didn't ask, I'm still not sure) I was pretty oblivious to what was going on until I heard Paige telling Brian that everything was okay, what was happening was normal and I was fine, baby was fine, and I was doing well. I looked at him and he looked a bit worried and I realized what was going on. It snapped me back to reality and about that time we started getting into position for me to really start pushing. I tried to stand, but after the first time I felt like I was going to collapse so I knew I had to be on the bed. I saw they had brought in a tray with lots of tools and I had no idea what any of them were for, nor did I want to know. I figured most of them were things they had to have close by "just incase" and I prayed everything would go well, especially with baby still being sunny side up. I also noticed them bringing in the stuff for baby and I tried to focus on that. 90% of getting through labor and delivery is your mindset. Focus on the positive, on the reason why your body is going through all the crazy things it is and ride that positive wave. Just before this I had thought about asking if someone could get my mom. I knew I needed someone feeding me these positive thoughts because I was to the point where I thought they might have to cut my baby out. I was just so tired. It's amazing the way God created us for this though. It is also amazing how he created us as a family unit and even though I would have loved my mom to be in there I knew the only person I needed was already right by my side. Brian was a bit surprised when Paige told him to grab my foot once the pushing started. He was on my left side and looking right at my face, no where else. The nurse had my right foot...oh yeah, so it was about 6:50p when I started pushing. Shift switch time. A new nurse, Caroline or Catherine, I can't remember. Came on and Angela briefed her then went to finish her other paperwork etc. whatever it is nurses do when their shifts end (if it were a correction facility I might have more of an idea, but I imagine it's not too much more different, lots of paperwork and passing on info) The next 40 minutes, looking back, seemed like 5 but in the moment felt like hours.
Honestly, this is how I'd describe those last few moments of giving birth
"As you are pushing out your baby, body on fire, completely exhausted, but unable to come close to any kind of rest or relaxation, you think you are on the edge of Hell and then that baby takes it's first breath, the fire subsides, a rush of adrenaline comes over you with an overwhelming and incomparable rush of love & joy and you are convinced the only moment that will ever surpass this is when you reach Heaven and see your Savior's face." Delivering your baby is going from Hell to Heaven in a moment! At least for me that is how it was...
I spent 40minutes on the edge of Hell, it was UGLY. Brian kept telling me to pull it together, I can do it, listen to Paige, HOLD your breath, PUUUUSH, he was great. Paige kept her voice calm and with the skill of someone who had participated in around 30,000 births but the excitement and joy of someone seeing it for the first time, kept telling me that I was doing great, doing the right thing, coming closer each time. Looking back one day, Brian and I laughed saying we both felt she was lying to us the whole time. I thought that baby girl was never getting out. But she knew what she was doing and helped me delivery that baby.
At one point, I had asked for a cold wash cloth, felt like I was on fire, I had stopped pushing and was catching my breath when 10 seconds later I started pushing again. The nurse runs back to the bed, puts the cloth on the bed handle NEXT to my head and grabs my foot and puts it on her shoulder. As I'm holding my breath and pushing I really wanted to swear. I grabbed the cloth and rubbed it all over my face. Another time, I can't remember if it was before or after that, but I was short of breath I guess and they were giving me oxygen between pushing. I let the nurse put that thing on my face twice before I grabbed it from her. I set it half-way over my mouth and nose as I breathed between pushing and then tossed it on the bed. I tried it because I figure they are the experts and if it was going to help me and my baby then I'd do it, but I hated it, so I stopped. I hated it. Then, and again can't remember the sequence, just that I was in the pushing position, my mouth and throat were really dry and I was feeling a little light headed. I asked for some water. They gave me my 7up, which had made me feel a little nauseous earlier (the only time my tummy was upset) and I didn't want to drink it. I said I wanted the water but they said the sugar would be good since I was so tired. I took a "sip" spitting it right back through the straw and said "can I have some water now?" then I had to push, and I looked at Brian and said "I. Need. WATER. please" and the nurse gave it to me. I felt like I was on the edge of Hades people, and looking back, I'm pretty sure everyone in the room felt like they were dealing with a daemon. But then I reached the most painful part. I felt like hot pokers were stabbing their way out of my birthing canal. I had been praying, out loud, on and off during the previous 60 or so times I pushed (I really don't know how many times it was, felt like thousands) asking God to just give me what I needed and to keep my baby safe. As I pushed this time -and I know you are supposed to hold your breath, I was bad at that- I screamed "What the HEEEEEELL!" (please forgive me, maybe I shouldn't be so open about that) and then I was in heaven. It seriously happened that fast.
"1940" I heard the nurse call her time of birth and I heard them talking, can't remember what they were saying but I didn't hear any crying. Brian was still holding my foot up and looking at me, but I sat forward and saw my baby's slimy, purplish, sweet and beautiful face. Without thinking I reached for her. Paige said "go ahead momma, she is still inside, but you can pull her the rest of the way. You did great." I put my hands around her tiny chest and pulled her up on mine. I felt like crying, looking at her and then Brian. The first thing I said was "you are so beautiful" I called her by her name, and praised Brian for the great job he did. He took some pictures and the nurses did what they needed to.
Paige went and got both of our mom's so they could meet their granddaughter. Brileigh is the first granddaughter on both sides and first grandchild for my parents. When our mom's came back my mom asked if we were ready to share Brileigh's middle name and so Brian told them what we chose. Ray, after Morgan Rae Gauntt but spelled like a ray of sunshine. It was the only name we both agreed on and we believe it is perfect for her!
The first hour of her life Brileigh laid on my chest, the nurse helped me feed her and then she took Brileigh to finish cleaning her, prick her, weigh her and all that important stuff. She was 7lbs 3oz 20in and oh so perfect. I sat in bed, freezing cold, with about 3 layers of warm blankets on me, watching my little family. Olivia came back to take pictures and I called Morgan to tell her how we'd picked Brileigh's name. When baby was all cleaned up, at about 80minutes old, Brian held her for the first time and they have been best buddies ever since. I was riding a high those next few hours. It was the best feeling ever. It was also pretty painful and slightly embarrassing the things my body went though those hours, days and weeks following birth.
If you are a first time mommy, talk with someone who has gone through what you are about to experience. Talk with someone who has done it natural, ask for as many details as she can recall, talk with someone who has had an epi, someone who had a c-section. Get all the info you can, find a great support system Dr/midwife, family, nurse staff etc., and take a birthing class (I took one on-line that really helped) All those things really helped me to have a wonderful first experience. I think everything that came AFTER the baby was a lot nastier than all that came before, but you are also dealing with feeding a baby, lack of sleep, and all the new hormone changes, plus your body healing. It's painful and yucky, but there is nothing more rewarding than that instant when you go from the edge of Hell to Heaven.
I love my Brileigh Ray of Sunshine. I'd do it over and over again for her.
